We all need this (I use it too)

The Teams meeting is ending, and as everyone logs off, one of the product managers says, "See you all at tomorrow's planning meeting." Then the call ends.

Planning meeting? What planning meeting? Did you miss a calendar invitation or a Slack message? You look. Nothing there. You're feeling overlooked and disrespected. You start thinking about why you weren't invited. You also think that if this meeting was Connor's idea, it's probably a passive-aggressive way of telling you he didn't appreciate you questioning him about the data he presented at a meeting earlier this month. Now you're angry. He probably only wants "yes" people in the planning meeting.

If you've read this far, let's stop right there. Whether you know it or not, you have just climbed what I call the "ladder of conclusions." Unless you received an email telling you that you weren't invited because you are being deliberately overlooked and disrespected, how do you know that? Unless you received an email from Connor admitting the meeting was his idea and that his decision not to include you was a deliberate way to send you a message never to question him again, you don't know that either.

That's where E.T. C. comes in (you were wondering what that photo was all about, weren't you?). Here's how it applies to the scenario described.

First the "E." What is the emotion you're feeling? Not your thoughts, your emotions. Name one or more. In this scenario, the emotions might be upset, excluded, angry, or not valued.

Now for the "T." What do you actually know to be true? Read that question again. What do you actually know to be true? The only thing you know to be true is that you didn't receive a meeting invitation. Everything else is conjecture, presumption, speculation, and assumptions, all familiar steps on the ladder of conclusions.

Now let's move on to the "C." What do you choose to do? Yes, you could keep stewing and climbing the ladder of conclusions; however, I wouldn't recommend it. You could choose to call, text, or message the organizer(s) and, in a calm voice, ask a question that looks like one of these:

"I saw I wasn't invited to the planning meeting. Is there a reason why, as I would like to attend and contribute?" or

"I heard there's a planning meeting scheduled for tomorrow and I'd like to participate. Can you please send me the invitation and link?"

A few months ago, a client had a similar experience, and can you guess what the response was? It was "Oh no, how did that happen? My bad. I'll send it right now."

E.T.C. What is the emotion you're feeling? Feel it, name it, and don't judge it. Then ask yourself, "What do I know to be true?" Then choose what you want to do.

I promise this could be a game-changer for less stress, better communication and understanding, and more positive outcomes.

Thank you to my friend and fellow coach, Bonnie Flatt, who first introduced me to E.T.C., which I still use. Now you have it too.